Getting Married (Part Two)

(a continuation of "Part One", in case anyone is really following this inner monolouge...)

Again, much of my thoughts are not orginial to me, but just a processing out of the stuff I've read here and here).

I feel the need to start out by saying that I think men are great, and in no way do I want my ramblings here to sound like "male-bashing" or anything of the sort. I've been so blessed to be surrounded by men in my life who are strong, godly examples of what it means to be a husband, father, son, and friend. Instead, I think much of my frustration with men can be linked to the way in which our society treats men and marriage.

I think I'm just starting to really realize how our society/culture doesn't value marriage nor encourage men to pursue it. Maybe it's taken me a bit to see that because I've been blessed to be surrounded by family/friends who do have strong, long-lasting marriages that began when the couples were in their early twenties. But, let's face it, the way our culture (ie, movies/television) portray marriage is largely either in the form of men as husbands who are bumbling idots, or as single men playing the man-whore who would rather jump from bed-to-bed with any variety of women rather than commit to one.

But what about the church? Shouldn't the church take on a role in helping its men get married? I think churches do a good job of helping couples keep their marriages strong, but do they do a good job of encouraging its single men to "seek and find a wife"? (Proverbs 18:22). Maybe churches think that's too personal of an area to broach with its single men...or maybe they just don't know how to go about doing it...I don't know.

I think that verse above - about seeking and finding a wife - is one of those verses few people realize is in the Bible. At least, I didn't know it was there until just recently. Yes, of course I knew the rule that men are to be the pursuers, but who knew that that was actually in the Bible?
So then the question is, why aren't men more bold in their pursuit? And I'm not just considering my own situation, but also that of single female friends I have - all of whom are awesome Christian women and who desire marriage as well. It's like it's this great big, mismatched, unfair game: The women want to be married, but have to rely on the men (who presumably want to be married too) to pursue them for marriage, while the men seem to be standing on the sideline with their hands in their pockets waiting for...what? Just the "right" girl? Just the "right" timing (ie, after he's done with school, once he knows where his career is going, etc.). His "solemate"? I'm not saying men and women should foolishly rush into marriage without ensuring it's a good match, but I guess I'm just pointing out that nothing's going to happen unless men "man up", take a risk, and pursue her with intentions to marry her.

And another thing...I wonder if men who are in their 20's and 30's, who claim to want to be married and have children, and who want to marry a women their own age, have thought about the fact that this is the time of life when these women are able to bear children. While men can father a child up to old age, the hard facts are that there comes a time when a woman's ability to bear a child is diminshed or gone. Again, I'm not saying that a man should marry any ol' woman and have children with her just to ensure the continuation of his family name, but that I just don't get why marriage/family isn't really more of a priority for those men who claim to want it.

Even though I'm not a guy, I read through the "Guy's Guide to Marrying Well" (published on boundless.org), and it really helped me see some things (even though I still don't understand them) from the guy's perspective. I know some of what the authors say there is bold, but I think it's probably a message that not enough men hear today.

I think much of my frustration with men can just be linked to the fact that they - like us women - are fallen, and affected by the fall. So whether it's because of a man's own personal sin, or seeing the sin of others in their broken marriages, maybe that's also why men are a bit lethargic in their pursuit. But women are fallen too, and our sin also impacts our ability to marry well also.

Although the author of the book pointed out that it's harder to meet people and get married the older one gets (which is awesome news), I remain encouraged by the fact that God desires only the best for His children - even if the best is yet unknown.